The Peril of Love : Part II

The Martyr Man

"...Too much virtue was thus seen as a vice. Perhaps that explains why so many saints end up as martyrs. They are simply too irritating." -The Economist, 21st August 2010

In part I, we've looked at how a "nice guy" would divert in courtship. Type A is usually seen in characters with low self-esteem, who generally do not think that they are good enough for the girl (probably due to physical appearances), and so they devise a different tactic- to be friends first. They come with various methods get closer to you, i.e. requests to be your pet brother. However, type A guys are easy to look out for and avoid whereas type B are the ones who are harder to spot.

Type Bs are the ones who realize that they should just go for the damn bush instead spending so much time beating around it. They understand that in order to win the attention of a lady, they need to look confident, charismatic and intellectual. Plus, a six pack definitely wouldn't hurt. This is the reason why Type Bs are tremendously hard to spot in a social context. They package themselves to be genuine nice guys, and the perfect lover.

Type B guys are also separated by two categories. The Alpha males, easy to distinguished, are commonly known to society as jerks. These men would be on their best behaviour on dates, seem pleasant and agreeable, and some are even able to fake genuine interest in their female counterpart. That is until bedroom activity happens. After which, depending on their date's sexual attractiveness and their prowess in bed, their interest normally wanes and the calls stop coming. These are the Barney Stinsons, Don Juans and Casanovas of society.

These womanizers are only after one thing - sex. And they are easy to identify because they almost always will steer the conversation into that direction, especially after some food and wine. Well, mostly wine.

Beta males are also common, but subtle. The range of these Beta males varies, but they are usually painted as confident, charismatic and charming. Every joke is savvy, every story is animated and every compliment sincere. These individuals are the life of the party, and their personalities are magnetic. When they speak, they leave their audience transfixed and hanging on to their every word. Their life experiences become fodders for their stories and it spans far and wide, from logical insightful to the far-fetched stories that seems uncanny. It's hard to not be attracted to larger than life personas like these.

Of course, I'm not saying that all who possesses such personality traits are type B beta, rather, it is the beta of type B who love to camouflage themselves as such, and it is hard to tell whether or not beneath the charming exterior, a twisted monster lies in wait. However, there is one trait that they cannot elude one with acute observation and sense of perspective, and this trait will surface no matter how they try to hide it.

But first, we shall look at the mechanics of these individuals.

The Peril of Love : Part I

The Nice-Guy-Finish-Last Conundrum

“I love her so much that I’ve given everything I had for her; be it financial resources or emotional needs, I have always, always been there for me through thick and thin, for the better and for worse, but did she ever reciprocate? No, she played me like a fool that heartless bitch!”

“Sigh, I knew it from the beginning that it wouldn’t happen between us. How can I be so naïve to believe that she is the one for me? How could I have thrown myself at her when I know I don’t stand a chance against such an angel? I am such a fool.”

Above are extractions from two different individuals who’s identity will be better left in anonymity. If you were to put them together in a social environment, say in a bar or a coffee house, you would find that they are the exact opposite of each other: one is aggressive, the other passive. This distinct difference in their approach with general matters in life results in a huge variance despite environmental similarities. However, they do share one common ground though, that is both are victim of unrequited love.

Unreciprocated love is well documented in literature and history, well sung out by Taylor Swift; well represented in popular television series like Friends, How I met your Mother, the Big Bang Theory et cetera. There are numerous directors who centralize the entire movie on this idea, like the very recent 500 Days of Summer. It wouldn’t be unfair to say, unreciprocated love is as popular as any mainstream media. If you own a Facebook account (who doesn’t?), it is extremely likely that at any given point of time you’ll have one or two friends posting something regarding this issue on their wall, lamenting at the cessation of progress with their object of desire.

So what went wrong?

The Peril of Love : Introduction

The Love Paradox

“Maybe all you need is love” -John Lennon, the Beatles.

If anything could endure a lifetime and still remain a startling mystery, it is love. So long has it been a subject of attention in literature, music and puzzlement to the men and women of science. But no matter how little understanding we have of the subject itself, we derive a great deal out of it; whether it may be joy or sorrow, it propels us forward, giving us a reason to live. Love is so great, so highly sought after that it is worth dying for, or is it?

One afternoon over lunch, I was discussing the subject of love with a couple of close confidants. One insisted that love is about sacrifice, another insisted that love is about making the other person happy, while we heatedly debate this matter, a stranger over at the next table that has been eavesdropping on our conversation offered his opinion that it is about that feeling that you get when you think of someone, that shiver you get when you’re with that special someone, and that hollowed out feeling when you’re not with them.

However, I believe one definition suffices; love is the art of giving without any expectation of any kind in return. If love is able to give, love must be able to accept as well. Love is never a one way street where only one party gives and another party receives, that would constitute a trade relationship between supplier and customer.

It doesn’t take long to realize that one shoe does not fit all, that it doesn’t apply to every situation simply because love can be derive differently from one individual to another. Therefore this derivation may be a fallacy. This means, what is perceived as love, may just be an illusion created from an individual’s desperation and desire to loved and appreciated. This means that love can exist in a different context from person to person, making the derivation of love from a trade relationship very possible, but how?